Patricia Barnes has a job unlike any other. She's a professional, but her clients aren't living people. They're ghosts, and they have a very specific kind of problem that only she can solve.

Her work involves helping spirits find peace, often by dealing with those who wronged them in life, or even those who wronged them in death. The pay is good, but the sounds that come with the territory are something she'd rather do without.

The First Consultation

Patricia met with a client, a young woman named Anne-Samantha. Anne-Samantha was worried her recently deceased husband, Raymond, was haunting her. The haunting started subtly, with his favorite sweater found on the floor.

But things escalated. During intimate moments, Anne-Samantha would hear a loud banging on her bedroom door, which stopped only when she stopped. She felt it was her husband because he always interrupted her, even when it wasn't about anything "naughty."

"It just *feels

• like him. Does that make any sense?"

She explained that the worst was last night, when she heard breathing from across the room only when she was alone. This pushed her to seek out a professional.

Uncovering the Truth

Patricia listened intently, her mind piecing together the clues. She asked blunt questions, trying to get to the heart of the matter. Anne-Samantha seemed hesitant, but the need for answers drove her.

Patricia offered her a cup of tea, which Anne-Samantha found too bitter. Patricia's response was curt: "Too bad. Drink the whole cup if you want to see what's on the other side."

Patricia then laid out the story as she saw it. Raymond had died a month ago, a victim of a hit-and-run. The shock was terrible, and Anne-Samantha had found him in a gory heap right outside their home.

The Shocking Confession

Patricia revealed details that Anne-Samantha hadn't shared, including the fact that it was sunset when she found him and that it was a car accident. Anne-Samantha was stunned, asking how Patricia could possibly know.

Patricia explained that the guilt was more than Anne-Samantha expected. Raymond was old and boring, but she had crushed his spine with the car. He knew it was her. He had died wondering how he had been a bad husband, feeling guilty for not knowing why.

"He stared at you without hate, malice, or vengeance. It was simple confusion, Cindy. Raymond never considered that you did it for the cash."

Anne-Samantha was shocked, confessing she had been careful. Patricia pointed out that people are just stupid, and that putting $619,138 cash in a briefcase was asking for trouble.

The Ghost's Revenge

Anne-Samantha's jaw dropped in disbelief. "How could you possibly have known?" she asked.

Patricia's response was chilling. "If I were in your shoes, Sweetie, I'd be much more worried about how much poisonous oleander you just had with your tea."

Anne-Samantha, in utter petrification, asked how long it would take. Patricia calmly lit another cigarette and told her it would start in just a second.

Raymond's ghost appeared, a gruesome sight. His spine was shattered, limbs at unholy angles, black blood oozing from his lips. He stared at his young widow, his one good eye filled with what seemed like understanding.

A Job Well Done

Patricia leaned forward. "Raymond wants to let you know that dying really, *really

• fucking hurts."

Anne-Samantha began to convulse. Mouth foam sprayed as she thrashed, unable to cry because her throat was closing up. Raymond knelt beside her, gently touching her cheek. For a moment, it seemed she looked back at him.

Then she was gone.

Raymond, the ghost, looked at Patricia. He thanked her for her clear instructions on how to locate the briefcase. He indicated he would leave his wife's body in Patricia's house, explaining that he had snuck an oleander plant into the garden during his nightly visits. Oleander is common in Alabama and would explain her "accidental" death.

The Ghost Hitman's Reward

Raymond also mentioned he was grateful to stop sneaking into the house each night to spook Anne-Samantha, finding her masturbatory moans sickening and crawling through windows difficult at his age.

As Patricia approached the corpse, Raymond gestured as if there was something more. He shook eagerly, spraying ghost blood onto his dead wife's face.

Patricia bent down and pried a ring from Anne-Samantha's hand. It was covered in diamonds and fit Patricia's finger perfectly.

"Yes, thank you very much, I *do

• accept tips for a job well done, you gentleman, you."

Raymond, the ghost, was smiling. Patricia was smiling too. She had completed another job, getting paid in cash and a very valuable diamond ring.